Why I didn't like doctors

From the moment we step into medical school, we tend to measure our worth by the (endless) exams we pass, the positions we earn, and the sacrifices we make. In my own experience, I used to believe that the more sacrifice you give, the more noble you are; the harder you work, the better doctor you become.

We begin to feel like we are nothing more than our titles. Our careers become the sun around which every other part of life must orbit. Family, friendships, hobbies, vacations, and rest start to feel like indulgences, things we’ll allow ourselves only later. It seems like we don't know what is actually important in life anymore. Many of us live in medicine’s bubble, tying our self-worth to professional achievement alone. 

Honestly, our job is not even fairly appreciated, and I often thought, what a bunch of clowns we are :))).

Wth am I doing with my life?! I probably said that to myself more often than I realised during some life encounters, feeling guilty for allowing myself to get involved in 'abusive' or 'exploitative' situations. My poor soul.

Well, however, for me, (it may sound too naive, but it's true) medicine taught me the beauty, fragility, and meaning of life. I find myself frequently thinking that everybody should know these miracles of our body, the only one we truly have during our lifetime, and how it affects other lives and everything else around. I started to think it's like a toxic love I've been trapped in and cannot escape anymore.

Still, I didn't like doctors. I've seen what happens beyond what looks like on the (not so) pretty surface.

Many of us are hard-workers, even workaholics. Many of my closest people don’t know how to enjoy life outside their job, because their job has become their whole identity. We cling to it so tightly that if anyone challenges us, personally or professionally, we cannot cope. Out of this comes the entitlement, the ego-driven, status-conscious self that shows up both inside and outside of work. Some slip into arrogance, convinced that being a doctor places them above others. Many of us don’t even realise it. This has been the culture of medicine for so long that it feels unchangeable. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Medicine will always demand much from us, but it should not take everything. There is still so much left to cherish, even the smallest parts of life that exist beyond the hospital walls.

True nobility isn’t found in endless self-denial, it’s in balance. It’s in cultivating humility, curiosity, and presence not just in our profession, but in our everyday lives. It comes from wholeness. A rested, grounded, balanced doctor is more compassionate, resilient, and ultimately, a better healer, for others and for themselves. 

Being a doctor is only one part of who we are, not the whole story. We are more than our white coats. We are children, friends, dreamers, people who love and live beyond the clinic. 

Medicine is our calling, but it is not our cage. 

Remembering that and living it may be the bravest step we can take, because there's no going back once you realise you're worth more than 'this'.

I didn't like doctors, especially those who are misogynistic (oh dear, don't start me on this. I’ve encountered A LOT of them it's quite traumatising LOL). I didn't even want my life partner to be a doctor, BUT it's kind of changed after I met some people that made me think if a doctor is like this, I can gladly compromise ;) 

The moments I met people like them were like a stunning firework show

or a beautiful sunset

or having my favourite food

or a combination of all of them

that I enjoy quietly on my own at home,

after a long and exhausting day of work.

pfft, my fragile heart...

I know now that it's not because of being doctors that I 'hate' them, but the choices they make after becoming one. And I know, don't blame it entirely on an individual (although, YOU can still choose kindness despite (or, because) the storms and hell you've been through), but blame the system instead. (Are you free this weekend? Want to start a revolution??!!)

Anyway. I can write about those beautiful encounters later (maybe?). For now, I need to get back to studying for one of the most difficult, expensive, and demanding exams in my life!! (which is what prompted me to have a sudden urge to write this little reflection to escape :( ). Wish me luck.